Jeff Davidson…Embracing the brokenness with unconditional love

shutterstock_301534991You have a choice, Dads. You can be like me and wallow in anger, denial, blame, and your own obsession to fix the brokenness. Or you can embrace the brokenness with unconditional love. Embrace your child with special needs just the way God created your child, and love him or her unconditionally and passionately with all your heart.

When you make that choice, you will realize that God has called and chosen you for a unique mission. God has placed you on a mission for your life and He desires to equip you for one of the most amazing experiences you could ever imagine.

I have seen dads never recover from their initial anger. I have seen dads wrestle all their lives with the blame question, and I have observed dads struggling with acceptance because of their denial of their children’s issues. Anger, blame, and denial will keep you from embracing your situation, accepting your child, and choosing to love and parent unconditionally.

shutterstock_301535015When you lay down your personal issues, you will realize there is nothing your child can do or achieve that will ever make you love him any more than you already do. You will love him simply because he is your child.

I’ve been the dad of a child with profound special needs for over eighteen years now. I’ve come to treasure the sometimes small but exceedingly joyful moments that this journey has to offer. I’ve also learned to weather the walks on the dark side and recognize the triggers that set me off on that journey.

But to this day, I regret the early years when I allowed my anger, denial, and obsession with fixing my son to rob me of the sheer joy of just being my son’s dad. Eventually I came to understand the only statistic that really mattered; I have one son—and he had autism.

So I made a decision. A choice. I chose to love my son unconditionally just the way he was—autistic. I chose to embrace his differences, accept his challenges, and love him for who he was—my son. I chose to go into his world and engage with him without reservation and qualification.

Autism is just a label. Just like the word son. The former word describes him, but the latter word defines him.

My son is completely dependent on me for everything in his life. From the moment he wakes up until the moment he drifts off to sleep at night, my wife and I have to provide for his every need. He is incapable of surviving this world without us. He’s utterly helpless on his own. Without me in his life, he cannot survive; he won’t survive.

I love him because he is my son. Not because he has done anything to deserve or earn my love. In fact, there is nothing he can do or achieve that will make me love him more than I already love him. He is my son. I created him. He belongs to me.

shutterstock_233976841_renderedThat’s why I love him. I love him simply because he is mine. I challenge him, I teach him, and I pour myself into him daily. All throughout the day I encourage him, affirm him, and express my unconditional love for him. I think about him all day long. I know his thoughts, his mannerisms, and his needs so well.

Even though there is nothing that could make me love him more than I already do, I love him too much to leave him the way he is. Like all sons, there are times he makes a real mess out of things. That’s when I have to step in and clean up his mess. That’s what fathers do for their sons; they help them clean up their messes.

That’s called Grace.

I believe in him despite his challenges.

I embrace his differences because that’s how he was created.

I believe he is fearfully and wonderfully made, created for a plan and a purpose, and that he is destined to glorify God.

He is my son. So I am his warrior, protector, provider, encourager and equipper. God has created and equipped you to become the warrior, protector, provide, encourager, and equipper for your children and your family too.

The first step in becoming the special needs dad God calls you to be is understanding that God has called you and placed you on a unique mission for your life.

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IMG_8478Jeff Davidson is an author and pastor who enjoys speaking at churches, conferences, events and to groups, ministering to special needs families and individuals. Jeff and his wife Becky started Rising Above Ministries when they realized the incredible gift and blessing their own son with special needs (Jon Alex) was to them. Jeff’s book, No More Peanut Butter Sandwiches, is available through Crosslink Publishing, Barnes and Noble and Amazon.

About Dr. G

Dr. Stephen Grcevich serves as President and Founder of Key Ministry, a non-profit organization providing free training, consultation, resources and support to help churches serve families of children with disabilities. Dr. Grcevich is a graduate of Northeastern Ohio Medical University (NEOMED), trained in General Psychiatry at the Cleveland Clinic Foundation and in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at University Hospitals of Cleveland/Case Western Reserve University. He is a faculty member in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at two medical schools, leads a group practice in suburban Cleveland (Family Center by the Falls), and continues to be involved in research evaluating the safety and effectiveness of medications prescribed to children for ADHD, anxiety and depression. He is a past recipient of the Exemplary Psychiatrist Award from the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). Dr. Grcevich was recently recognized by Sharecare as one of the top ten online influencers in children’s mental health. His blog for Key Ministry, www.church4everychild.org was ranked fourth among the top 100 children's ministry blogs in 2015 by Ministry to Children.
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